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How NOT to Succeed on Twitter

You’ve started your business and thought you’d better start using Social Media too. Everyone is probably telling you that you need to be on Twitter especially, as all your customers are probably there, just waiting for you to connect with. But where do you start? Or maybe you are already on Twitter and are wondering why it’s not working for you.

People make lots of mistakes when using Twitter, and if you’re not careful, you will too. Here are some Do’s and Don’ts to ensure you won’t gain followers on Twitter and you turn people off.


  • Don’t have an avatar – just use the Twitter egg; it looks really cool
  • Don’t have a bio – leave it blank so you are anonymous and mysterious
  • Don’t say where you are based – be like a global international spy
  • Don’t make the most of the new profile picture; be boring
  • Don’t provide a link to your website in your bio – leave people to search for your it
  • Don’t tell people your Twitter address on your website / blog / business card – you don’t want them to ever find you
  • Don’t ever follow anyone back that chats to you, that would be silly
  • Don’t engage, no one likes someone who replies


  • Do Retweet anything that mentions what you do in it – even if based in another country
  • Do jump into conversations disagreeing rudely – everyone loves that
  • Do TWEET IN CAPITALS – people love to be shouted at
  • Do sales speak all the time – people will definitely buy from you
  • Do a sentence of hashtags – because they make lots of sense, don’t they?
  • Do shorten words when you don’t really need to – cool to sound like a teen texter
  • Do ask for Retweets all the time – people will always obey
  • Do ignore people – it’s not rude at all
  • Do only DM when you could chat in the open – Twitter isn’t for chat after all
  • Do use swear words – it makes you look really big
  • Do retweet and change the original tweet so it misconstrues what was being said
  • Do gang up and pick on people because you disagree with them – you’re always right
  • Do air dirty laundry in public – we all want to hear about it and it’s not embarrassing for you
  • Do ask for followers – it doesn’t make you look desperate at all
  • Do automate ALL your tweets – be like a robot
  • Do take days to reply to a tweet – they will remember I’m sure
  • Do spam people – everyone loves that

I hope these tips will help everyone using Twitter so you know how to turn people off. You may find life lonely online but that’s the plan…..isn’t it? What do you see on Twitter that doesn’t work?

Sian Phillips

Sian Phillips

Sian Phillips is the new Managing Editor of TweakYourBiz.com and contributor to the site with business interviews and posts on Social Media and Accounting. I'm a qualified Accountant with an Honours Diploma in Journalism too. My other “jobs” include being an associate with The Ahain Group and I'm also a Moderator on Bizsugar.com. My typical week is spent doing accounts for a few clients, writing content and blog posts for other clients, moderating and sharing Bizsugar.com posts and looking after TweakYourBiz.com too.

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  1. ha – I needed this laugh!
    It is funny how people get on twitter but then do not really engage and put the effort to be real!

    The eggs slay me – my friend has one and I call her the purple egg.

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